There's a saying that goes a little bit like this:
"Have a daughter, she'll be with you for life,
A son is yours 'til he finds a wife"
Another mom of three boys told me this. Somebody close to her was lamenting that she never had any girls, because a girl will continue to care about her parents and have a desire to care for them when they are older, while boys only get married and then they only stay close to the wife's family. We both were kinda bummed out by this. Is this true? If so, why does this happen?
It may be true in some families, but not in mine. I have seen firsthand that it is not a definite destiny. My mother has very close relationships with both her daughter-in-laws. They visit my parents quite frequently and I see no evidence that they don't like her or only spend time with their own families. So I began thinking about my DIL's and what type of relationship I want with them.
I have also seen relationships with in-laws that aren't so nice. Mothers that put down their DILs, and vice versa. I believe part of the problem may be that mothers are unable to let go of the status of being the #1 woman in their son's life. Looking to the Bible (my answer book), I found:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall join to his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
This man will not totally dump his relationship with his mother, but in order for him to truly join his wife, he must leave his parents, they aren't #1. The mother-son relationship
must adjust. Also the mother and DIL must be able to function together in their new roles in the son's life in harmony. (Anybody with advice for me or a "been there" on this topic? I'd love your input!)
Now I'm sure you want to know why I'm bothered with thinking about this now, my oldest son is only 10, so there's several years to go before I'll be a mother-in-law. But this relationship will be one of the most important in my life. I do not have any daughters! I can teach my boys to bake, or how to match up their clothes correctly, but they aren't girls. (and I do not expect them to be.) There are many experiences I will never have. I will never get to do the nail painting thing. Or how about going shopping with somebody who actually thinks it's enjoyable and not a cruel punishment? Yeah, it's true that my DIL's may not like these things either, but whatever their interests are, I look forward to enjoying these women.
They ARE Out There.
Somewhere. I figure at least TWO of the three girls are out there, somewhere. (Steve's wife may not even be born yet!) Hard to tell how old they are, true, but it's highly likely they're around, somewhere. What kind of home are they growing up in? What are their parents like? Do they know God yet or have they yet to find Him? These are big questions. Considering that they are possibly already living in this world,
why would I wait until I know them to pray for them?
This started out, admittedly, in my fear that once these girls came into my boys' lives I might lose them, but as I prayed I realized that the fear is unfounded. I love these girls so much already!
I found that the fear melted a little more each time I prayed for them.
Wherever you are, I pray that you would find God, that he would protect you and show you mercy. I can't wait to meet you!
Not only do I no longer worry about losing my boys, I look forward to beginning the relationship I will have with my new daughters. I have composed a few letters to these girls, (don't worry, they aren't very long) and in my next few posts, I will share them with you. I know quite a few mothers with boys so hopefully this will be an encouragement! We truly aren't losing our boys, we're FINALLY gaining daughters!
