Letter To My Daughter-In-Law: I Love You Already

To My Daughter-In-Law, 

I love you already.

Wherever you are, I know you are BEAUTIFUL.

I pray for you- that you are STRONG, that you find GOD and make him first in your life.
Whatever else in your life- details are unimportant if HE comes first.

I pray for our relationship-
May you be my loving daughter (finally!) and know that I love you, even TODAY.

Do you drink coffee?  Tea?  Are you a morning person?  Though we may not share any of the same interests, our LOVE for my son will always unite us, along with a desire for a peaceful and joy-fueled home.

Letter To My Daughter-In-Law: I Know You Will Be Beautiful.

To My Daughter-In-Law,

I know you will be beautiful.
I will finally have a daughter-...in YOU!
You don't have to be perfect, but your love is- 

Thank You.

Thank you for loving and caring for my son.
My goal is to prepare him to be to you a strong man on whom you can depend, and who will support your every endeavor, who knows you are independent and also understands you sometimes need a shoulder to lean on.

He can by now cook, do laundry, and clean up after himself.  (Yes, he was taught, so don't let him tell you he can't)

Thank you for caring for my grandchildren.

Take them to church, and while you're there, have a seat and listen.
That's all I require.
The rest I trust to your capable hands.

Open Letter to my Daughter-In-Laws, Part 1

There's a saying that goes a little bit like this:

"Have a daughter, she'll be with you for life,
A son is yours 'til he finds a wife"

Another mom of three boys told me this.  Somebody close to her was lamenting that she never had any girls, because a girl will continue to care about her parents and have a desire to care for them when they are older, while boys only get married and then they only stay close to the wife's family.  We both were kinda bummed out by this.  Is this true?  If so, why does this happen?

It may be true in some families, but not in mine.  I have seen firsthand that it is not a definite destiny.  My mother has very close relationships with both her daughter-in-laws.  They visit my parents quite frequently and I see no evidence that they don't like her or only spend time with their own families.  So I began thinking about my DIL's and what type of relationship I want with them.

I have also seen relationships with in-laws that aren't so nice.  Mothers that put down their DILs, and vice versa.  I believe part of the problem may be that mothers are unable to let go of the status of being the #1 woman in their son's life.  Looking to the Bible (my answer book), I found:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall join to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  (Genesis 2:24)

This man will not totally dump his relationship with his mother, but in order for him to truly join his wife, he must leave his parents, they aren't #1.  The mother-son relationship must adjust. Also the mother and DIL must be able to function together in their new roles in the son's life in harmony.  (Anybody with advice for me or a "been there" on this topic?  I'd love your input!)

Now I'm sure you want to know why I'm bothered with thinking about this now, my oldest son is only 10, so there's several years to go before I'll be a mother-in-law.  But this relationship will be one of the most important in my life.  I do not have any daughters!  I can teach my boys to bake, or how to match up their clothes correctly, but they aren't girls.  (and I do not expect them to be.)  There are many experiences I will never have.  I will never get to do the nail painting thing.  Or how about going shopping with somebody who actually thinks it's enjoyable and not a cruel punishment?  Yeah, it's true that my DIL's may not like these things either, but whatever their interests are, I look forward to enjoying these women.

They ARE Out There.

Somewhere.  I figure at least TWO of the three girls are out there, somewhere.  (Steve's wife may not even be born yet!)  Hard to tell how old they are, true, but it's highly likely they're around, somewhere.  What kind of home are they growing up in?  What are their parents like?  Do they know God yet or have they yet to find Him?  These are big questions.  Considering that they are possibly already living in this world, why would I wait until I know them to pray for them? 

This started out, admittedly, in my fear that once these girls came into my boys' lives I might lose them, but as I prayed I realized that the fear is unfounded.  I love these girls so much already!
 I found that the fear melted a little more each time I prayed for them.

Wherever you are, I pray that you would find God, that he would protect you and show you mercy.  I can't wait to meet you!  

 

Not only do I no longer worry about losing my boys, I look forward to beginning the relationship I will have with my new daughters.  I have composed a few letters to these girls, (don't worry, they aren't very long) and in my next few posts, I will share them with you.  I know quite a few mothers with boys so hopefully this will be an encouragement!  We truly aren't losing our boys, we're FINALLY gaining daughters!

Little You-Know-Who!

My boys are all so different.  If you've ever asked me about my boys you've probably heard me say that.  Whenever each new little Riedman boy came along, I found myself totally shocked to find out that they are not acting like the previous baby.  Ah, you mean that you are a total different person?  Surprise!
My baby boy is now nine months old and yet again I fall victim to thinking that just because he is coming into the same household as my other two, somehow that will make his personality an exact copy of his brothers.  He is not.
We had a little floor swing that my sister gave me.  Brennan, my shy guy, loved it so much, he would sit in that thing and try to swing even when the motor could not handle his weight anymore.  I was confident that the baby would love it, too.  Actually, it just makes him cry.
I used to love putting Baby Einstein movies on and my boys and I would sit and laugh and smile at the toys and puppets.  It was key to me being able to fold a pile of laundry or pick up the toys in the living room.  Already I can sense that the baby thinks it's just a little juvenile.

Yes, he is a tough cookie.  I have had to get resourceful and find new ways to keep him busy and interested because my old standbys that worked with my older boys are just not cutting it.  He's not wild about taking naps, he still doesn't sleep through the night totally and he gives me grief in the high chair.  People would love to hold him but he is so attached to me he just cries!  Oh, I could go on!
Could, but I won't.  I think I've gone on and on about this enough.  I realized that anytime anybody asked me about how the baby was doing, I just rolled out a huge line of complaints.  If I wasn't complaining about the BABY, then I was complaining about the HOUSEWORK that isn't getting done because of the BABY.  Needed to write a new BLOG POST, but I couldn't because of the HOUSEWORK that still isn't finished because of the BABY.  I wanted to start reading a new book, too, but couldn't do that either because first I had to finish the BLOG POST that I couldn't get to because of the HOUSEWORK that never got done because of the BABY.

At this point I think I could write a Dr. Seuss book.  "Things Mom Can't Do, Because of Little You-Know-Who!"  But WHO would read it?  Not mom, she is too busy with the BABY.  Wasn't this baby supposed to be a blessing to me?  Didn't GOD make a way for me to quit my job and be home so I could enjoy this little thing?

Is the problem really the baby, or me?

Oh man...  Don't you just love (hate!) when the Holy Spirit reveals something in you that you didn't even realize was a problem?  It's always right when you're doing it, and you just can't deny that he's right.  Caught me red-handed-  I complain too much!

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.  Philippians 2:14

I've determined I am not going to complain about this baby anymore.  He is already crawling!  I don't want to wait until the day he graduates to wake up and realize that I've complained away my blessing.  The joy of my children is in caring for them and discovering what makes them unique.  If nothing else, this guy sure is teaching me how to be resourceful!
I want what God has for me.  I want to shine like a star in the universe and not be a black hole of bellyaching!

Bad Mommy

Today I was sitting at the computer scrolling through Facebook but not really paying attention.  My shy guy, who's five, was sitting at the table, playing with his dinosaur.  It's called a Switch and Go Dino and if you haven't been blessed enough to own one, it is somewhat like a Transformer, only simpler to convert, and can either be a T. Rex or a race car, with a few loud "tough guy" phrases thrown in for good measure.  In my opinion it was a whole lot cooler in the commercial, but he seems to think it's fun. 

Today he plays the part of a T. Rex and he's picking fights with my votive holder and a box of crayons.  My little guy loves to talk tough so I think that's why he likes this toy so much.  "NO ONE CAN ROAR LOUDER THAN ME!", and "COWER IN FEAR!", the T. Rex roars.  I turned and smiled at him as I watched him play awhile.  (Is there anything more fun than watching your kids play when they don't know you're paying any attention?  Or am I just creepy maybe?)
As I turn back to the computer, I hear the next phrase from the Dino:  "OBEY YOUR KING!"  But what happened next brought me back to reality.  Instead of hearing  my Mr. Tough Guy roar it back loudly, he paused a moment.  Then I heard him very clearly and quietly say, "Never.  My king is Jesus.  I only obey HIM."
Wow.  I turned and looked at him in amazement.  The look on his face was solemn, and somewhat troubled.  Uh oh.  Instantly I went into "Mommy Mode",  explaining that T. Rex was called the "king of the dinosaurs", and that his toy was talking to the other inferior dinosaurs and not to my son.

This has stuck with me all day today.  I am so proud of my preschooler, standing up for what he believes in.  I wish you could have heard the authority in his voice!  I gotta say though, the more I think about the situation, the more I question MY action.  I wish I had not rushed in to explain why the toy said what he said.  The reality is that our dying world would love to drag all of us down with it.  As astounded as I am at the simple thing my son did at such a young age, I know from my own experiences that there will come a time when he is grown that he will have to stand up for what he believes in.  There are always people, especially teachers, who think that God is passe, and that he can be quickly explained away.  If you are not strong in your faith, knowing what you believe and with scriptural backing, you will quickly and hopelessly be pulled down.  I do not want him to become accustomed to just simply accepting someone else's explanation.  Because I was afraid of hurt feelings, I explained away a great teachable moment.  Ugh.

Bad Mommy.

Justice- For Aunties

I absolutely love my boys.
When you're a mom of all boys people always ask, "Don't you wish you had a girl, though?"
Well, there are times.

At the beginning of the week I went on a shopping quest.  In our family we have birthdays coming up, so I joyfully drove my dear Ravina to Boardman for some retail therapy.
First stop:  Justice.  Now when people ask if I wish I had a girl, this store is what dances through my head.  So much pink, frill, and bedazzled kitty cats, it's enough to make your head spin.  If they had this store when I was 6 I'd be dancing my little jelly shoes between absolutely every single rack.

The darling I'm shopping for will be 11.  Gift Card, you say?  Well, that takes all the fun out of it!  These moments are such a thrill for the mother of all boys- it is too tempting to just get a gift card!  Let me have my fun, it can always be exchanged if need be.


As I revel in every last neon dolphin, I can't help but overhear the other shoppers:
"...I don't know."
"She's just....so picky"
I keep on shopping, but again and again I overhear shoppers complain about girls being picky, too short, or only liking dark purple.  And THIS purple?  Well, it's light purple.  It just will not do.

Yes, I had a good time.  But after I paid there was secretly some part of me that was happy to get out of there.  Girls are fun and I get so much joy out of my nieces, but this mom still picks out what her ten year-old wears to school everyday.  Not because I want to, but because he really couldn't care less.  In fact, I can't even get him to go school shopping with me.  (Not even for the school supplies!)  And while I'm pretty much stuck with t-shirts and jeans, I gotta tell you that it isn't so bad being in a man's world.  Honestly, it is so much easier.  Just S,M, or L.  Get their fav video game character on it and good to go.  You're the mom of the year.

It got me thinking though.  I get so much joy out of buying for the girls, and I really gotta watch that I don't overspend.  Wouldn't it be a great idea for a store to sell to people like me?  To Aunties.  For those of us who don't have girls and just can't get enough bows and puppy dogs?  And there would be TONS of bright colors to catch their eye and cute little toys and fun accessories and- ...oh yea.  They already have that.  It's called Justice.

Take 5

It's been awhile since my last post, I admit.  A lot of things going on.  Chad had to change shifts.  My oldest son had to get glasses- I am so smittenly proud of how cute he is with them.  The baby's growing up.  It's getting warmer out.

I've been slowly increasing the amount of time spent with God.  Not necessarily on purpose, just kind of a gradual thing.  More and more hungry for his great guidance.  Leaning on his security and love when times get tough.

Some people believe you should do your bible reading and prayer first thing in the morning.  Not a bad philosophy really, but having been at one time a working mom I wonder if these people have ever had to hold down a job outside the home.  Not being rude, just looking at the reality of time.  It's just too tough, I thought.

BUT I've invented something that works for me.  You see, even though I'm a stay-at-home, I am still a slave to the alarm clock idol. (I "praise" that snooze every morning)  I must get my oldest ready and on the bus.  I don't think waking up and first thing studying the bible is very practical at this point because morning is so hectic, (plus my brain just isn't wired to fully understand what I'm reading at that hour!) so I continue to do my major study at night when everyone is in bed.  It is peaceful and nobody is bugging me!  But I set that good ole alarm a mere 5 minutes early in the morning.  Not very much, but in those five minutes I pray.  I won't allow myself to set my feet to the floor or even sit up until I thank God for the day ahead and what he's doing for me.  Have you ever actually timed how long you pray?  Me neither, but I'm surprised by those 5 little minutes.  I try to mostly find things to be thankful for because I've found that it sets the tone for my day- If I am feeling thankful I am more likely to not get so upset about the little surprises (aka messes).

I think if you can find some way, however minor, to fit God into your morning, you might find that it WILL make your day better.  While it is true that there is little time in the morning for in depth study or devotions, you may find that there is just enough time to get you into the right mind set. 

What type of devotion/prayer time do you have?

Is there a specific time that you set aside each day?  
                   

          

The Silence

"As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches.  They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.  If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church"
1 Corinth. 14:34


My nightly bible reading brought me across these verses the other night.  A deep hurt began to well up in me as I read them.  Strong.  Intense.  That same hurt feeling I've felt somewhere before, standing on the playground my hands in fists, after some boy knocked me down and said girls are stupid.  Argh!

It brought my thoughts back to conversations I've had with other women, stories I've read.  There are men who believe that women should not be in front of the church.  That they don't belong in leadership, other than to play the piano.  Is this verse the reason?  It just doesn't make sense, it sent me reeling!

This is coming from Paul, but how can this be?  Could he be so old-fashioned?  Could he,... could even Christ himself, have felt that women have nothing to offer?  That it was a disgrace for them to speak in the church?  Though it has yet to be revealed to me I know I have a calling on my life, and know of so many other women that have been great teachers, evangelists, ministers, etc.  What gives?

And then the holy spirit began his nudging.  There is more to this story!  So this week I've been doing some research and am very pleased with what I have found:

The Corinthian Church

First things first, we have to understand the setting to the story.  Corinthians is a letter from Paul to the church in the city of Corinth.  Corinth could easily be any modern day city in America.  Actually it would have more in common with our cities today than we realize.  And it was full of every type of pagan worship.

Her Culture:  A woman in Corinth could not openly question a man.  Depending on her previous faith she very likely was not even allowed until this time to set foot in the church.  She had very little public rights.  But Christian women were newly liberated.  The Christian faith gave women more rights than before.  They could attend church services IN THE SAME ROOM WITH the men!  Unfortunately, the Corinthian Church was often interrupted by questions from the women- they had a lot of learning to do to catch up and it was affecting services.  What Paul is saying here is basically "please hold all questions until the end", their husbands very likely were the first converts, had a little more education on the matter and could easily have answered these questions at home instead of taking time out of service.  Paul is very gently resolving a delicate situation.  Also some readings suggest these women were using this new freedom to start confrontations with men during public worship times.

Jewish Women

People like to say that Christianity and Judaism hold women down.  Actually it is the opposite.  Jewish women and Christian women had and have more freedom than any other women in history.

It is true that traditionally men and women sit in separate areas of the synagogue.  This is because you are to keep your mind on prayer and also to make a distinction from the pagans- many pagan religions involved sex in their services.

In Judaism God is not masculine or feminine- they feel it is absurd to assume he has genitalia.

As shown by our beautiful Proverbs 31 Woman, Jewish women could buy and sell (without asking a husband permission), own property, and even run their own businesses.  Many religions (ex: Islam) still to this day do not allow these or any freedoms.

Finally, women were not obligated to attend religious services as the men were.  It was their option.

Also Interesting:

HELLO! Deborah was one of the Judges of Israel in the Bible.

Seven out of the 55 prophets were female.

So women have held very prominent positions in the church and also were able to do very great things to further the cause of Christ.  And we have many modern women that are continuing to this day.  I'm not sure why the idea that a woman cannot be a great leader persists.  Clearly it is not biblical.

If this has inspired you or you have any more information on this topic, please let me know I would be interested to find out more!  

Love- A Quest To Be Vulnerable

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves


It is February!  What genius invented Valentine's Day and put it smack in the middle of February?  Just when winter's cold drab existence makes me feel like I'm stuck in Narnia, ("always winter, yet never Christmas") along comes a little joy wrapped up in small cinnamon hearts and a few pretty flowers.

It's been so busy around here this month!  My husband was on vacation at the beginning of the month, then last week I kept busy making candy heart suckers and a Valentine box for my oldest boy's classroom.  I think Valentine's Day is what you make of it.  If you think it's just a holiday created by the commercial powers that be, then there is very little that will convince you otherwise.  But be that as it may, sometimes if we look at it with fresh eyes and see the traditions we often overlook, I think we'd all be pleasantly surprised.  Why, what will scientists say someday in the future about these old shoe boxes carefully disguised and designed- that elementary school children once used to put prefabricated valentine cards into?  I'm sure someday any that survive will end up on Antiques Roadshow in the folk art category.  Perhaps someday someone will bid a huge amount of money for one box of 32 Spongebob Squarepants Valentines, new in the box, of course, and rumored to have been bought at the "Walmart".

So this is coming somewhat late, as I had wanted to start much earlier this month.  I included a quote from C.S. Lewis because I guess I feel like sometimes I keep my love quiet in a tiny perfect box.  I give it to my family, of course, but is that all love was designed for?  Did Jesus only love those that loved him?

Sometimes I notice people like to post little sayings on facebook that go something like this:  "I have learned in my life that those that truly love me are worth my time, and everybody else means nothing", in so many words, one way or another, so on and so forth.  What?  Really? Have you bothered to stop and look at what you've just posted?

What has happened to us?  Have we really allowed our wounded feelings from the past to control us that much that now they tarnish our futures in such a way?  Is life only to be lived in a tiny safe box surrounded only by those that approve of how we see things?  This is Un-American, and when I see it posted by Christians, entirely disheartening.

So, long story short, (well, maybe)  I've decided to live my life unsafe- to be vulnerable.  To start, I've decided to look for ways to love and learn about others that maybe I normally would not have thought twice about.  Maybe they are outside my little world.  Maybe they have different political or lifestyle views than I do.  Jesus never said "I've learned in my life that my disciples are the only ones I can trust, and everybody else doesn't matter."  No.  Everybody else DOES matter.  Everybody else is exactly who we are here to love.

Mine Craft

So what do you think about MineCraft?  Do you know any children who play it?

A few years ago my husband started playing this computer game.  Seems harmless enough, really.  You go around mining substances and then building your own world.  Along the way there are of course some bad guys that threaten your kingdom.

Actually, it reminded me a lot of games I have enjoyed for years, "SimCity" and "The Sims".  Playing these games was my relaxation time.  My out when stress got the better of me.  And really MineCraft is somewhat the same type of game.  I can find nothing in this game that is
"bad", yet it concerns me.

Kids are addicted to it.  My kids are addicted to it, other kids I know are addicted to it, and I think my husband would be addicted to it as well if he could only find the time.  If I really started playing it myself I would probably also be addicted to it.  When my oldest wasn't playing Minecraft he was watching videos of other people playing Minecraft.  I'm not really sure what the big draw is here, sure it is fun, but the graphics remind me of uber-pixelated early video games.  How does it keep their attention for so long?

I started to seriously limit Minecraft time in my house.  I noticed that when I would tell my oldest boy it was time to be done and do something else, a switch went off in his head.  He couldn't take it.  His anger level at not being able to play the game did not match what I was simply asking him to do.  He literally was acting like an addict denied his vice.

We have since eliminated it from our house.  He acts like himself again.  But my problem is that when he gets together with his friends, playing this game is all they want to do.  I get the feeling that other parents don't feel the way I do about this game, they act like I'm overreacting, like I'm a stick in the mud and should just let kids do what interests them.  After all, it is "only a game".

I think you can get addicted to anything.  

As Christians, we need to guard our hearts.  Anything can become an idol, and it seems like it happens quicker than we can realize it.  I know we live in an increasingly digital world, but I'd like the boys to be able to say "I've had enough" and put the games down and do something else for awhile.  I get tired of always having to micro manage them and say "you've been playing that for too long, why don't you get out your Lego's or something?"  Basically, they need some self-discipline. 

Do not misunderstand, I am not saying MineCraft is bad, because like I said I haven't found anything yet within it that I objected to.  It is the reaction I'm seeing that's the problem.  I need to not only set limits for my children, but more importantly teach them how to sense that a boundary is needed, and set it themselves.   

My Purpose

My name is Valerie.  I am a Christ-loving mother of three wonderful boys that I am quite proud of.  I left a medical billing job that I loved to become a full time mom.  The age-old battle of stay-at-homes vs. working moms and whose job is harder, I care not to get involved in. 

Working outside the home never bothered me, my children were secure in knowing I loved them.  However in my case, about a year ago God got ahold of me.  He called my name and I stopped.  I listened.  He had a plan for my life (as he does for each of us).  I am still figuring out exactly what this means, but a big part of what he was telling me had to do with how I was raising my sons, and the lifestyle we were living.  Though I loved my job, he showed me that the door in that office was closing for me, that he was going to open another one instead.  The amazing thing about the God I serve is that he knows me.  He knows what I'm capable of, and also how easily I screw up best laid plans.  I am the type of person that loves to have a plan.  And a back up plan.  And a back up to the back up plan.  God took a person like me, who has everything planned out, and is teaching me to live according to His Will, and he never lets me know too much in advance.

In the Bible there are times when the children of Israel are instructed to construct monuments of remembrance so they do not forget what God has done for them.  This blog will serve to be MY monument of remembrance as well as a chronicle of his promises.  I am embarking on a quest-  I am attempting to raise Three Wise Men.  Men of great moral fortitude,  men with integrity and a heart for their maker (who aren't afraid to hug their mom once in a while).  I know that it will be difficult and may not always work out as I plan, so I want to remember the good times and bad, and the things God is ever teaching my along the way.